Your Soul Isn't Mine!
by BookProf101
Summary: A collection of drabbles and oneshots. So many things I could do...*evil smile*
1. BAKA!

**Hello, people of Soul Eater! BookProf101 here! This will mainly be a collection of oneshots and drabbles. **

**Summary: Maka meets Excalibur. And he won't leave her alone, dammit.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Soul Eater. I DO however, own a pretty cool purple pen.**

Maka stared down the hallway. A long red carpet covered it and rows of students watched as a little man/thing dressed in white strode down the hallway. His white cane waved in the air.

"BAKA!"

"BAKA!"

"BAKA!"

Excalibur turned to her. "Not a BAKA!" He swept his hat off his head with a little bow. "Allow me to sing for you."

Maka wasn't prepared for the sudden torture that was Excalibur's singing. She was forever grateful when Blackstar and Kid grabbed her arms and dragged her away. That awful tune…was ringing in her ears.

"SOMEBODY MAKE IT STOP!" Blackstar yelled. Kid's face was frozen in the trademark scowl that let the world know: Excalibur was back, and as annoying as ever. You had to feel sorry for Maka…

"Excalibur! Excalibur! From United Kingdom-"

"MAKA CHOP!"

And the world watched as the Holy Sword was Maka Chopped harder than ever before. Soul winced; Maka had hidden power. Excalibur was flat on the ground, unmoving. Quite possibly and most hopefully dead.

Death the Kid, Blackstar, and pixies all across the world cried from happiness (and yes, Kid's tears were symmetrical). The stupid hat was in tatters. Blackstar picked up the cane.

"I AM BLACKSTAR!" The cane snapped.

And the world was at peace; that annoying little man-thing-sword was finally gone.

"BAKA!"

Cue Excalibur face.

**For some odd reason, I really like Excalibur…he might be my third or fourth favorite character. But yes, I do sometimes want to Maka Chop him…several times. THAT. STUPID. HAT. At least it's symmetrical…**

**-BookProf101**


	2. Of Symmetry and Giraffes

**Hiya, hiya, hiya! In the days before I came to watch and love Soul Eater, this happened. **

**Me: It's Scrapbook Day! Today's the day I finish my projects!**

**Sis: Today I'm going to watch Soul Eater until I get hungry. **

**Needless to say, I was a little freaked.**

**Summary: Liz and Patty take Kid to the grocery store. This will be mostly dialogue.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Soul Eater. **

"Are you sure it's okay?"

"OH LOOK! A GIRAFFE!"

"Patty, listen to me. Do you think Kid can handle a grocery store?"

"Sure, just LET ME SNAP YOUR NECK, GIRAFFE!"

"Oh boy."

_At the grocery store…_

"So far, so good."

"Crap, he's seen the apples. Hey, Kid, we still need to get bananas…"

"NO! THE SYMMETRY'S OFF….I NEED TO FIX IT."

"The apples can wait, we-"

"But look! There's a bruise." _Begins to sift through apples, arranging them in straight lines._

"Now can we get bananas?"

"IT'S A GIRAFFE! COME HERE!"

"Patty! It's just a man in a suit!"

"YOU MUST DIE!"

"THE SYMMETRY! ITS SPOTS ARE ALL OVER THE PLACE!"

"_**Get. Back. Here. Now!"**_

_Behind Liz's back, in whispers…_

"She's scary."

"I didn't finish with the apples. And I think the picture in my room is off…I'm worthless trash!"

"Shh, Kid. Liz'll yell at us. Maybe we can-"

"A worthless person, unable to even hang a picture correctly!"

"You go home and fix it, I'll get the giraffe."

"That. Giraffe. Wasn't symmetrical."

"I'm gonna snap it's neck."

"Those spots…they're unsymmetrical!"

"Let's go!"

_Afterward…_

"_**I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU TWO! NOW WE HAVE TO REPLACE A GROCERY STORE! AND BUY THAT NICE MAN A NEW GIRAFFE SUIT. DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THIS IS GOING TO COST?! AND I STILL DIDN'T GET THE GROCERIES!"**_

"At least this time the grocery store will be perfectly symmetrical. And the picture was straight."

"DIE, GIRAFFE!"

_Never again will I let Kid or Patty in a grocery store. That nice man selling sky-high insurance must be traumatized. How am I going to tell Lord Death? _Liz thought.

**That's it! I just had a feeling that Kid wouldn't do well in grocery stores. Until next time!**

**-BookProf101**

**P.S. Please review. If you have any requests, let me know!**


	3. Colors, Numbers, Shapes

**Hey! I'm back! Happy Valentine's Day! **

**Summary: In this one-shot, the gang gets asked what their favorite shapes are. There are small bits of SoMa and TsuStar here if you look really hard.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Soul Eater. **

Kid looked up from his paper. The test was nearly over and that _stupid_ "k" was still unsymmetrical. _What a failure I am…a piece of unsymmetrical trash!_ He bitterly erased the k and stared in horror as it ripped in half.

_**NO!**_

"Kid. Kid. Kid. Wake up!"

Kid sat up in pain, ignoring a reproachful look from a book-wielding Maka. He had fallen asleep in class. It was just a dream. Just a horrible, unsymmetrical dream.

A teacher with long blue hair strode purposefully into class, black high heels clicking to an irritated beat. "Dr. Stein has taken an unfortunate fall down the stairs on that wretched chair of his, so I will be teaching your class today."

The class broke out in excited chatter as Maka exhaled in relief. She wouldn't have to suffer embarrassment from her dad today. Though he was overdue for a Maka-Chop….

The substitute teacher clapped her hands for order. An introduction was not necessary. They had an important task at hand. "Ladies and gentlemen, your assignment is to gather with two other meisters and their weapons for some serious discussion. Do that now." She grimaced at an orange sticky note in her hand as the students rushed to form groups.

She stared in displeasure at the untidy scrawl. Its contents were hardly legible and she still was guessing as to its message. Her scowl deepened. How was anyone supposed to get work done with that level of untidiness?

"Class, you will discuss your favorite colors, numbers, and shapes as well as provide a reason why. This will help deepen your bond with each other. Get to work." Her words snapped the air and the substitute stood ruler straight, eyes roving like a bird of prey over the various groups.

"THE GREAT BLACKSTAR WILL GO-OW!"

"Sit down, Blackstar, and be quiet. Tsubaki, would you like to go first? We'll start with colors." Maka smoothed her skirt and made herself comfortable on the floor. It would mildly interesting to find out everyone's preferences. She'd recently read that based on somebody's favorite shape, color, or number you could find out a lot about how they thought or felt about certain things.

"I like a sort of tealy blue. It's calming and exciting at the same time." Tsubaki smiled gently before looking at Soul. "Your turn."

Soul made a face. "What's the point of this exercise anyway?"

The entire group winced as the falcon-eyed substitute teacher appeared over his shoulder. "Young man, I have already recited the purpose. Get. To. Work." She spun on her sharp heels and stalked away, probably to prey on another unsuspecting student.

"Green. Not light or dark but sorta in the middle. It's cool." He leaned back and glanced over at Blackstar.

"The Great Blackstar…likes PINK!"

The group sat in stunned silence. For all Blackstar's shouting, had they heard him right? The man who was going to surpass God…liked PINK?!

Blackstar laughed at their faces. "It's radiant and bright and deep! YEAH!" He grinned goofily before pointing to Liz. "YOU'RE IT!"

Liz whacked him with her nail file. "I like purple. It does wonders for just the right complexion."

Patty jumped up and down. "ME! ME! Pick me!" Before Liz could answer, she blurted out her answer.

"Yellow! It's bright and sunny and the color of my giraffe!" She held up an origami giraffe covered in yellow and brutally snapped its neck.

Maka glanced around. "I guess it's my turn. I like red. It's everything at once." She looked away before turning to Kid. "What's your favorite color?"

"Gray. It is the perfect balance between black and white! So symmetrical!" Kid smiled and held up two paint tins of black and white. "It is the absolute! The perfect balance!"

"Next topic. What's everyone's favorite number?" The answers came quicker.

"Eleven. It's both even and odd. Like yin and yang." Tsubaki smiled sweetly.

"Nine. Not sure why. It's cool." Soul grinned, shark teeth showing.

"INFINITY! Because the man who surpasses God will be infinite! OW!" Blackstar dropped to the ground at yet another Maka-Chop.

"Definitely not thirteen. Too many superstitions. I like six. It's a wonderful number." Liz went back to priming her nails.

"Hmm…10,793! It's completely odd." Patty smiled and scribbled madly over several sheets of paper.

"Zero. It's not entirely odd or exactly even. I guess I'd call it…cool." Maka smiled a little before delving back into her book, _Inner Reaches of the Mind, Heart, and Soul._

"Eight. The sweet sound of it! Eight is perfectly symmetrical and balanced!" Here Kid went into a symmetry-induced haze, smiling at random moments before frowning.

"Patty."

"Yes, Kid?"

"Your number. It's completely odd. Haven't you heard of PALINDROMES?!"

The scary substitute appeared again, a dark aura radiating off her skin. _**"Get. To. Work."**_

"Last question: What is your favorite shape and why?"

"Rectangles. They're solid, dependable, and a little wacky, but I like them." Tsubaki glanced at Blackstar.

"Ovals. They are well rounded and what happens when a circle is squashed by a book." Soul smirked, trying and failing to keep his eyes from staring at Maka's, which were, of course, perfect ovals.

"STARS! FOR! I! AM! **BLACKSTAR!**" His fists pounded his chest until a swift Maka-Chop punished him as well as saved him from death by substitute teacher.

"Triangles. They are one of the perfect shapes for mirrors. And, of course, have the least amount of sides before becoming lines. I detest lines." Liz's mouth twisted in a grimace as she smudged her nail polish. "Darn."

"That's an easy question! I like lines! Any lines, straight, crooked or slightly bent!" Patty giggled as the entire group sweat dropped. **A/N: Those sweat drops in anime? They're called pewds. Weird, right?**

Kid started muttering, words like unsymmetrical, trash, and worthless popping up. Kid composed himself, thinking of wonderously symmetrical things, like rectangles, right triangles, anything but crooked lines. "Circles. They are symmetrical in every way. THE BEAUTY!" Liz and Patty stared at the unfamiliar sight of Kid crying from happiness. "So pretty…so symmetrical…"

Maka cleared her throat. "I like squares. Some people say they're boring, but that's not true. They're wildly unpredictable and come through just when you need them."

The substitute clapped her hands. "Now that everyone is finished, you may go on to more productive work."

(Later)

"Dr. Stein."

"Yes?" He didn't look up from the blue whale he was dissecting.

"Please explain _this._" A woman in tight blue clothes and scary-sharp black heels shoved a worn orange sticky note in his face.

Stein adjusted his glasses. "Ah, my lesson plan. How did it go?"

"Shapes, numbers, colors!? Are you really this incompetent of a teacher?" The substitute's eyes flashed in fury.

Dr. Stein gazed at her, eyes cold. "Ms. Facto, you are the incompetent one. This note expresses says that "under no uncertain terms should you give them a lesson this easy. Numbers, shapes, and colors are irrelevant to soulmate bonding." May you have misread it?" He shifted a scalpel in his hand.

Ms. Facto turned paler than the paperwork she reveled in. "The work. The progressive…I was an unproductive layabout all day!" Her words turned into wails, bemoaning the loss of time and efficiency.

Dr. Stein smirked. Point for him. Now. Back to the whale at hand…

**I realized a few things while writing this:**

**Zero is symmetrical, but I ship SoMa, so deal with it.**

**I didn't add nearly enough Maka-Chops or humor this time. Oh well.**

**Also, a palindrome can be a number (like 888) or a word (racecar) that is the same backwards and forwards.**

**I like red because it's a fierce color yet soft at the same time. And mint green. It's refreshing. (Yet I dislike the combo at Christmas. Go figure.) I like triangles because I can make them on my graphing calculator, and my favorite number is 42.**

**What are your favorite numbers, shapes, colors, and why? Review and let me know!**

**-BookProf101**


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